Happiness in the Wilderness

In January, a sweet friend gifted me the book God, Where Are You? by John Bevere. I picked it up on January 2nd, and I couldn’t put it down. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was in a wilderness season—and I was bitter about it without even recognizing it.

See, when we walk through struggles, we can get so caught up in our mess and our emotions that we miss what God is doing. We sit back and ask, Why, God?—but we’re too busy complaining to hear the answer. Then, when we don’t hear anything, we assume He isn’t speaking at all.

November through January were hard months for me. Between severe health issues, financial challenges, work concerns, family tensions, and trying to be present for my people, I felt like I was drowning in the sand of a dry and barren wilderness. I was going through the motions, giving the best of what I had to my business and clients, only to realize that there was nothing left for anyone else—including myself.

I had so much on my mind and heart. But what I didn’t realize was that God was using this season to realign my priorities.

He was revealing the relationships in my life that were built on lies rather than truth—the people who were supposed to support me but instead only pretended to care and tore me down when I wasn’t in the room. And the hardest realization? I had been giving those voices power. I had allowed their words to shape how I saw myself. In fact, their words & actions had been shaping me my entire life. It was hard, but this gift was a much needed realization.

When Spiritual Growth Meets Real-Life Reactions

One of the biggest revelations God gave me was this: As long as I continued to see myself through the eyes of people who tore me down, I would never step into what He was calling me to. Their gossip, their lack of support, their mockery—it had no place in my life. Yet, I had let it carry more weight than His promises.

But let me be real with you—when God started revealing my own emotional immaturity, whew, I had some moments of conviction that were a little hard to swallow.

You know when you’re trying to be a good Christian, trying to let God refine you, but then life happens and suddenly, your initial reaction looks a lot more like Peter with a sword than Jesus with grace? Yeah, that was me.

I was out here thinking I had grown—like, really grown—because I wasn’t reacting as badly as some of the people around me. (Progress, right?!) But then, God hit me with the truth: You still have work to do, my child.

I had gotten better at holding my tongue… but only for about three seconds before I found a creative way to say what I really wanted to say. (Spiritual growth, but make it spicy.)

I had improved at taking my emotions to God first… except when I was really upset, and then I needed a solid 24 hours to calm down before even thinking about being holy again.

I had definitely grown in patience… but let’s just say some circumstances had me testing the limits of what counted as “righteous anger.”

The truth was, I had come a long way, but I still had work to do. God was refining me, not just in how I saw myself, but in how I responded to the hard stuff. He was teaching me to take a breath before I reacted, to sit with my emotions before making them everyone else’s problem, and to lean on His truth instead of letting my feelings lead the way.

And this—this is the beauty of grace.

God doesn’t just call us to forgive others—He calls us to forgive ourselves.

For the times we reacted before we reflected.
For the moments we let our emotions lead instead of His wisdom.
For the ways we fell short, even when we were trying.

He doesn’t demand perfection; He invites growth. And growth is messy. It comes with moments where we win and moments where we absolutely do not. But every time we stumble, His grace meets us there—not just to remind us that He forgives, but to show us how to extend that same kindness to ourselves.

So if you’re in a season where you’re seeing your own shortcomings in real time, where your reactions aren’t quite aligning with the person you’re trying to become—take a breath. God is still working in you. And the more you embrace His grace, the more you’ll learn to extend it… even to yourself.

The Wilderness Isn’t Wasted

I used to see the wilderness as a place of being lost, but now I understand that it’s a gift.

It’s in the wilderness that God shows us what needs to be found. It’s where we gain clarity. It’s where we receive truth, peace, closure, and direction. And if we let Him, God will use the wilderness to refine us, strengthen us, and prepare us for what’s ahead.

So, if you find yourself in a season that feels dry, heavy, and exhausting, take heart. God hasn’t abandoned you—He’s preparing you. Lean in and ask Him:

What are You revealing to me in this season?
Where do I need to realign my heart, my thoughts, and my priorities?

And most importantly—Will I choose to believe His truth over the voices that seek to keep me stuck?

Your wilderness isn’t wasted—it’s intentional and filled with purpose. Will you lean in and seek God’s presence in it, or will you let complaints drown out the gift He’s trying to reveal?